DROWNING AMBITION ( MY AUDITION IN PBB 2)

to be continue

That was MAY,when i heard the news that there is an audition for PBB (Pinoy Big Brother season two). I was hungry for it. I prepared for it. I used to buy the latest get up that im going to wear for the said for the said event, that will change my life. And i know that this will be the only proof that im not an ordinary one. Eversince, my auntie, including thoose my love of my life doesnt had a confidence towards me. Despite on that,ill stand by my own. I use to compile all the requirments and i was able to complete it. The resume, including my portfolio close up picture and whole body picture,im so thankful i have the experience in modeling because if you dont mind when i use to work in grand central caloocan,some one approach me to take pose for mini mag. That,s why its easy to me to have portfolio to submit any auditions. I also submit authentic birth certicate!. The face where-in im not proud of. I didnt find any ugliness but if you stare it, i feel disgust. Its hurt! I admit that i have inferiority conflict. I wannt to have the face that not just an ordinary. I use to buy things that helps me a lot for the said event. When the spotlight will start to on. Then ill be prepared. All are already prepared that i am only the one who know bout my plan and where im going to?........ Im very ready for the june 17,2006 but i didnt expect that there was a handrance that time. I remember i have to work on that date and finish it to be able to have a salary for food and esp for allowance for incoming auditiön,imagine i only have a salary of 110 pesos per day, and i have to work at two fields, from 6 am to 12 pm i am assigned at the officemart, (located at BAGONG BARRIO, EDSA CALOOCAN CITY, INFRONT OF HONDA CARS CALOOCAN)and from 12pm until 1am i am assigned in BREAD CORNER BAKESHOP in production. but i have to do bout it!

I lied my BOSS and i said that i have to go in PUP,(polythecnic university of the phil.) during that date to inquire for the intrance exam.My boss was on doubt towards me, but eventually she allowed me to absend that date because i said to my self that even if they will going to terninate me, it doesnt matter, for as long as i can go to ABS-CBN and fulfill my dreams. The plan of mine was very discreet and nobody of my workers knows about my plan even my auntie. I dont have a personal assistant who bring my clothes and to retouch me because i dont want them to know about the audition, the reason why is i dont want them to know about thb audition, the reason i dont want to be embarass when i failed the audition, i have a high ambition, i dont know what to do, all i know is im here! Planning and doing ways!

June 16,2006 FRIDAY

At night, im still working , i feel anxiety,excitement, i cant sleep at all. ive iron my clothes,i always look at the time as well as my 150.00 pesos amount of shirt. During that time the only thing i know is NOT THE CLOTHES WHO BRINGS YOU UP YET ITS YOU WHO BRINGS YOURSELF! and i'lld always bear it in my mind.My bag is already prepared. I ate a lot to the fullest during that night which is i'll never did with my ordinary routine. Perhaps im so unlucky that time, i had lots of goose pimple during that day becauset of using maxi pel for tone enhancement.supposedly i have a lighter complexion,yet what happen to me? I got lots of goose pimple.

June 17, 2006 2:00

am saturday

Early in the midle of the night. I ate and take a bath without w/out knowing my co-worker, and there you go. I ride bus from caloocan to Quezon city. Handling my sword for the war. I stopped and dropped at MOTHER IGNACIA, i used to walk going to the ABS-CBN building until i got there. I asked the guard if where is the AUDITION, according to the guard, infront of the PBB HOUSE, then i go there, while im in my way, i meet a man all the way from antipolo. There are lots there waiting for the audition,including that man,he told me that he left from antipo at 2 am. We asked to the CREW,they told us that the locatiön is in SM MANILLA. and not in the ABS. The crew get pity to the auditionees. They offer us to ride their car because they are also on the way to SM manilla. We arrived at 8am. Im about to give up as well as others. But when i see the line, there is a certain voice convince me to continue what i ve started. I also get in to it because of my new friend from antipolo who also eager to continue the fight! Then i heard the news that tomorrow sunday there is also an audition at sm north EDSA. Supposedly if i know it earlier, i will not go here! because north edsa is near from my work place but i am already here. And i will push my luck.

I am 1087 of the time. Now i know ,why how come that the line was so long and very blockbuster because it is simultaneously audition for pinoy dream academy audition and pinoy big brother audition season two the color code for the PDA is pink and the PBB is orange. Supposedly he i had knowledge that there is also a PDA audition. I rather to joined the pda ,because pda that time is not familiar because it was the first batch unlike pbb was already season two that time. I already had number. I felt comfortable and campant when i noticed that behind me are thoose rich gals and cats who are arrived late.

The are more handsome and beautifull. The only thing i know that i have difference towards them. I came from visaya unlike the other they are english speaking and more socialized,civilized and modern. They had see lips,a whiter skin. Masculine figure and maybe they are proffessional in modeling and they had experiences bout audition.

10:00 am

I Felt hungry when the national hymn. Starts to play and this could be the signed that the mall starts to open. I always bare in my mind that this is prestigeus competition . I cant leave in my place because i afraid. If they will abandon me if i came back, even i already got a number. While im in my line,i use to put some make up and foundation like the other mens did while waiting. When i look at down at the corridor of SM. I was surprized when i see how long long the line is? If im going to estimate. Maybe it is about a million. A variety of nationality, american,asian and latino. . They had there own assistant. But i breath deeper and thinking that im lucky because im already here inside,and not outside under the heat of the sun like thoose late comers

until my batch was announced to go infront of the stage. In every batch, there are 50. The first 25 will going to stand up,at the upper part of the stage, the other 25 will be in the lower part of the stage. The judges are LAURENTE DYOGI and other two personnel beside of dyogi. there is a camera infront .. they will going to shoot close up individual and choose the best. There going to judge base on the x factor of the contestant. They will going to choose only two contestant from fifty contestant. The one contestant is from the upper part of the stage and other one is from the lower part of the stage. When i stand infront of thoose many people in SM. i felt im about to collapsed during viet time. the spotlight.. thE JUDGES thoose people watching you that made of so tense. and if you will going to look al i the second floor as well as on third floor and so on, theres a lot of people watching you. Until i heard the voiced until i heard the voice announcing 1087 common down. I was like floating i cant imagine from 24 standing besides me. My only number was annouce that i pass the first stage. i feel like im about to die of happiness with nervous! from the two, they are going to form another 50 and choose two, until from two wep are going to under go any stages until i got at the steps for the one one interview, now im in top 297 i imagine how far i got, from thousand then im in top 297 i saw wendy only that time. In the interview they asked me everything and i answered sincerely, they are also impressed in my portfolio, until when they read my portfolio, they found out that i am only 17 and i am not illigible to joined the contest.And i admit it, i already know that there are qualification ever since, im just pushing my luck. When i heared thoose word, i was about to cry. My ambition failed and it was all about the age matter,that damn age of mine! I use to pass all the stages of the said audition, from x factor, from body posture and many more test, but because of this age of mine, they will not consider my passing ability, im a loser,im pushing my luck improperly,! I went back at officemart, caloocan, i still hide it to my auntie and my co worker. Until sunday, they watch tv and they saw me there, they are proud of me and they told me that why i hide it to them,perhaps they can offer help. But i explained them with tears, " i dont want to be embarass if i lose," but they told me that look at to the brighter side, "you pass all thoose test considering that you are young! And we are proud of you, forget about the age. Remember your accomplishment and we salute your inner stregnth that you exist!" said my auntie. But i admit. It is dificult to me to accept.

Now that i had a chance to study. I fucos on it. Im here in rizal. And now,my looks is very different before and now! I dont even take good care of my looks! And besides i have to prepared my future! For the mean time i have to prior my study!